Item #: SCP-6969
Object Class: Thaumiel
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-6969 is to be contained at Site 69, a suburban house located in ████, Texas. All excursions to and from the containment site are to be chaperoned by the designated Foundation personnel. These excursions are most frequently to ██████ Freshman Center and to Boy Scout activities. SCP-6969 is to be kept away from any materials containing nuts, and any interaction with canines must be limited, with an expected 2-hour recovery time for prolonged exposure. Personnel attempts to request that SCP-6969 does not pet a nearby canine will result in the response “Yeah but I want to though.” Personnel must constantly moderate the release of SCP-6969’s music, as it is possible that is will release another track with similar effects as SCP-6969-01.
Description: TSCP-6969 is a humanoid creature approximately 1.6 meters tall and weighing approximately 85 kilograms. It is perceived to be a ninth grader with wild hair and, occasionally, sideburns. This perceptive effect extends to the naked eye and ordinary camera viewing. Sonar, infrared, and thaumaturgic viewing indicates that SCP-6969 is actually multiple cats in a human suit. Each viewing session results in a change in the detected number of cats, ranging anywhere from four to thirty. Attempting to explain this to it will result in an amused laugh and an admittance that it is indeed multiple cats standing on top of each other. It is seen most often wearing graphic T-shirts depicting cats and sweatpants, but occasionally it will wear sweater vests and Boy Scout® uniforms at the insistence of its mother.
During its commute to and from classes at █████ Freshman Center, SCP-6969 will wield a black backpack weighing approximately 200 metric tons. Questioning SCP-6969 about what is contained in the bag has been met with the response that it’s just its “school stuff”. Attempts at searching the bag by Foundation personnel has been met with forceful resistance and repetition of the phrase “what is wrong with you guys”, however occasionally its mother will slam the backpack down on the dining room table in the containment site and start going through without any consent from SCP-6969 or prompting from the Foundation.
Any consumption of organic or inorganic matter containing nuts will result in the subjects subsequent death. The subject will revive upon blasting SICKO MODE by Travis Scott and angrily wonder aloud why the packaging on the nutty matter did not adequately warn that it contained nuts. Further experiments concerning SICKO MODE and SCP-6969’s revival have been suspended at it’s mother’s request.
SCP-6969 spends most of its time playing the video game Geometry Dash or composing music. It is most recently fascinated by Tuvan throat noises after encountering them within a music program and will not stop talking about them as of 02/05/2019. SCP-6969 releases its musical composition under the moniker “Packtion”, and its music is available to purchase on ITunes and Google Play. Its most popular released song is “All My Plants Are Dead”, and its favorite song to show to other people is “Mad Mitt Romney Money”. “All My Plants Are Dead” has been classified as SCP-6969-01 as anyone who listens to it feels a strong and immediate urge to play Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4 for the PS2, and will not sleep until either they obtain a copy or their body gives out. Subjects affected by SCP-6969-01 are immune to the effects of SCP-6969-01 following their first contact with it. There is nothing notable about Mad Mitt Romney Money other than that it is much more difficult to pronounce than it looks, and also it slaps.
As of 01/21/2019, SCP-6969 is temporarily the chief caretaker of the four “cats” also contained at Site 69: SCP-6968-01, SCP-6968-02, SCP-6968-3, and SCP-6968-04. It will voluntarily and enthusiastically clean up cat vomit, and much less enthusiastically scoop cat feces out of the litter box. SCP-6969 is constantly accosted by SCP-6869-04, to which SCP-6969 will respond by calling it stupid and then holding it like one would a human baby. Psychiatric evaluations have revealed that SCP-6969 holds some ill will towards SCP-6968-03 for constantly throwing up everywhere all the time, but holds the most ill will towards SCP-6968-04 for “being just a total asshole”.
Addendum 420-69: SCP-6969 was reclassified as Thaumiel after resisting the effects of the former SCP-4280 . On 12/26/2018, SCP-6969 escaped containment and leisurely walked to the containment lockers at Site 50 while eating a hot pocket, where it then encountered SCP-4280. Upon wearing SCP-4280, SCP-6969 proceeded to laugh at how dumb the jacket looked and repeated the phrase “Kanye West he likes…”, then giving the researchers a knowing look. Upon claiming that “Junko was kind of annoying, actually”, SCP-4280 spontaneously combusted, and there was nothing left of it to investigate. SCP-4280 has since been removed from the SCP archives, and the designation has since been given to a new SCP.
